Following unprecedented criticism and a widely accepted “failure to launch”, the Dorset government has announced a major reset of its policies in an attempt to recapture the moral as well as the political high ground. Offered in a series of easily understood bullet points, the newly announced promises replace the old pledges. Anyone still clinging on to the old pledges [in the vague hope they might still have some validity] is urged to junk them and obtain instead a brand new set of replacement promises.
Opposition leaders were quick to denounce the reset arguing that …… etc. etc. Blah! Blah! Blah!
Member of the general public Shirley Weavall-Haddinough spoke for many when she said: "I've heard it all before and the only pledge I still believe in comes in a can and is great for polishing my furniture".
THOSE RESET BULLET POINTS AND ELECTION PLEDGES COMPARED:
MEANWHILE IN OTHER NEWS:
Plans by Greater Trickett's Cross Metropolitan Council to introduce a 0 miles per hour speed limit on all motorised vehicles across the whole authority and to deploy mobile assault courses on major roads at busy times have been shelved pending improvements to speed camera technology. Extensive testing has suggested that currently no camera can record a speed of less than 5 mph leading councillors to abandon their controversial scheme and campaigners to call for a rapid redeployment of all laboratory technicians not working from home to the authority's Covert GPS Tracking Department.
Relieved mobility scooter driver Rhode Bloch, who has been fined 42 times for speeding in the Trickett's Cross MegaMart, hailed the council climbdown as "a triumph for common sense and a green light for all speeds up to 5 mph" but denied that it now amounted to a "joyriders' charter". She conceded however that it might make the work of MegaMart security staff harder, as shoplifters were now free to exit the commercial hub at speeds the "overweight, self-satisfied bumptious jobsworths" could "hardly match over 50 yards.
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