Dorset Illib Non-Dem leader Sir Ed Case has done the seemingly impossible by slipping even further in the public esteem than he has so far managed to slip on campaign banana skins, and/or in assorted acquatic environments, funfair rides, hustings platforms and other diverse slippery slopes. The less than sure-footed ex Primary School Stamps Monitor has also been at the centre of a major row - upsetting environmentalists, truthseekers and [more importantly] DOFCOM by authorising the widescale distribution of junk mail in the form of a fake newspaper.*
* This is hardly a first, professorthrupiece.com reported on similar dodgy activities during the last DHRA Campaign and surely any fair-minded commentator would conclude that overloading the postal system is his way of making up for errors committed [but not admitted] in a previous life as Primary School Stamps Monitor in the DHRA's notorious coalition in the early 2000s when he accused several classmates of "hiding their stamps in their desks". Equally, it is only fair to point out that it is awfully slippery that far up the moral high ground and positively suicidal when speaking out of one's arse at the same time. See: Emily Matress: Waiting for the Fall [Guy] the non rise and non rise of the Illib-Nondems [DBC In-house Magazine, January 2024]
Meanwhile, that fake newspaper scandal doesn't look like going away anytime soon. Piddletrenthide constituent Elle Exion-Fodda was one of many who were initially surprised to see the local newspaper lookalike drop through their overstuffed letterboxes and to read significant portions of it before realising that it was in fact a thinly disguised illiberal non-democratic rant. "I think the giveaway was when it slagged off everyone except the Illib-Non Dems and claimed - implausibly - that they were the party most likely to put the terminally brain dead DHRA back on track. I mean you just don't believe that sort of thing do you - especially when it comes from a group who think orange is a serious colour. Obviously if they were red, blue or green you'd have more time for them - though thinking about it, not a lot. Most colours are shit these days".
Support for those colours ranked:
Our Chief Political Correspondent Fiona Spruce-Konifer writes:
It is becoming ever more clear that there is an element of disillusion amongst politicians whio now firmly beliueve that the electorate is not working as well as it should; indeed one serving DHRA member has said, off the record, that he/she/it doesn't think that the current crop of voters is fit for purpose and should be replaced by an AI-based sample population selected by the Dorset Broadcasting Corporation. "Our wholly representative computer-generated studio audiences who can be heard taking an unbiased and openly fair-minded approach towards all of the politicians [regardless of race, creed or tint] on our decreasingly popular panel shows would be the perfect electorate", Ms Fatima Hussain Head of Political Engineering said, "they do as we ask and do a very good job of pretending to be representative of the interested population at large**. AI can only improve on that by taking the element of uncertainty out of any election result and generating the government we in the media have decided would be best for us. We are currently favouring any outcome that guarantees continuation of the license fee".
** Currently estimated to be 1 in 20,000 of those polled
Meanwhile, newly installed Sod the Lot leader, Noël Faraaago has seen a surge of popular support for his party with his stance on free ice-creams for the lactose intollerant and heavily subsidised petrol for the Just Stop Oil protestors proving particularly popular with those "just out for a laugh".
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