Bother At Bothenhampton?

Flyer for next year's Bothenhampton Flower and Produce Show. Organisers are gearing up for a big one.

Hot on the heels of yesterday's announcement that the Exotic Fruits and Seeds section of the Bothenhampton Flower and Produce Show had been won by Mrs Flora Trellis (whose artful assembly of a "robot man and bunioned foot" took the judges by storm) comes news of the 2020 competition and a change of rules.

This year's winners and losers: [TOP] Mrs Trellis's double entry "showed imagination" and was awarded First Prize; [BOTTOM] Mr Wynot Koppa-Feele's Vegan Globes were ruled out as it they were neither fruits nor seeds.

"Overwhelmed as we were by the ingenuity shown by members in sourcing interesting items for the Exotic Fruit and Seeds Class, we were somewhat concerned by the tone set by certain competition entries. Though we are a broad church, we need to remind ourselves that this is a family event and that our aim is to encourage entries from all ages and officially-recognised binary categories", 2020 Chair Mr Phil Potts said. "The 2019 Competition was bound to be something of a learning curve for us all and we have decided that, on the basis of experience gained during it, we will in future restrict entries to fruits and seeds which do not resemble recognisable parts of the male or female anatomy."

A furious Phil Theemynde from Trickett's Cross whose Gloucester Lady's Secret came 19th out of the 21 "valid" entrants and who was planning to exhibit an enlarged Penis Flytrap at the 2020 Show vowed today to overturn the Society's "unlawful, unconstitutional and downright puritanical decision" adding that he would carefully study the Committee's written statement and exploit any loopholes it contained. 'I'm not giving anything away at this stage", he said "but I can't help noticing it refers to "fruits and seeds which do not resemble recognisable parts of the male or female anatomy". It says nothing about fruits and seeds which resemble recognisable parts of the male and female anatomy. So I reckon with a bit of careful grafting ..."

Loophole: Competition organisers fear that determined entrants like Phil Theemynde may exploit flaws in their recent statement to "smuggle in" entries "outwith the spirit of our stated intentions". Grafting a Mexican Stiffy [erectus mexicanis] on to a New Guinea Glory [Glorianus hopefulis] is not, however, childs' play [thank the Lord] and requires both ingenuity and a warped personality, says 2020 Chair Phil Potts.