Like any invention Ai can be a boon or a curse; easily applied to good or evil purpose; a source of marvellous enrichment or of terrible depravity. In broad terms, it is probably safe to say that when it comes to evaluating its impact on everyday life and the average technically-unsavvy citizen, the jury is still out. For every example of intelligent and benign application [simulating Adolf Hitler dancing the hokey-cokey with England legend Sir Norbert Styles] there is an instance of malevolent intent [simulating Britany Spears in a bake-off Grand Final with the Reverend Ndabaningi Sithole].*
* Ndabaningi Sithole [21 July 1920 – 12 December 2000] was a Zimbabwean politician and statesman who was the founder of the Zimbabwe African National Union [ZANU], a militant, nationalist organisation that opposed the government of Rhodesia, in July 1963. He worked as a United Church of Christ in Zimbabwe [UCCZ] minister. He spent 10 years in prison after the government banned ZANU. A rift along tribal lines split ZANU in 1975, and he lost the 1980 elections to Robert Mugabe. Robert Mugabe was a freedom fighter turned brutal dictator oince referred to by veteran Dorset Quoits Champion Bob Twelvetrees as "the African Adolf Hitler" ie the kind of person who Ai might depict dancing the hokey-cokey with England legend Sir Norbert Styles.
However, an Ai application which seems to be gaining unequivocal approval is that which uses it to enhance images suspected of promoting representational trickery and exposing thereby the widespread existence of identity theft through false iconographic misrepresentation.
For several decades, the ciculation of multiple authorised - and visually contradictory - portraits of Professor Brian Thrupiece has intrigued and mystified the general public, whilst baffling the self-declared experts. Of all of those in general circulation, surely the most authentic ought to be that which Professor Thrupiece himself appended to his "official curriculum vitae" [aka "CV"]. However, scholars have long doubted whether this is the case and have suggested instead that his well-known [and highly developed] sense of humour may have led him to play the ultimate trick on academia and his more self-important colleagues. Could it be that this - the sans pareil, the non plus ultra, the sine qua non - of portraits is in fact the "deep fake"?
Scientists working at the highly secretive Threadbone Digi-Max Super Hoggs-Boswain Ai Regenerative Atomic Particle Acceleration Engine Laboratory certainly believe so. Spokesperson Alec Tronn, who has been working on the image for nearly a decade but finally "resolved it satisfactorily" in less than 0.0000045 of a nano-second with Threadbone Digi-max Super Hoggs-Boswain Ai Regenerative Atomic Particle Acceleration Engine's help, said yesterday that there was now no doubt that this particular representation of Professor Thrupiece is not an exact or even a near-exact likeness but is instead a portrait of another [possibly fictional] mad scientist "almost certainly substituted by the Professor himself in an attempt to misdirect, to cause mischief or to evade several motoring fines".
All this will come as a severe blow to the Professor's alma mater - Alma Mater COllege, Cambridge - which is the custodian and sole reproductive rights holder of the Professor's nominative CV [to which the now contested image is permanently appended]. The containing file is currently kept in the environmentally-controlled, temperature regulated, laser-beam security-protected Stragglybeard Contemplation Room in the College's state-of-the-art, DRIBA Award-winning, New Library, Pool, Sauna, Holistic Wellbeing and Offshore Recreation Facility. Archivist and Librarian Leif Gaard says that any demotion of the portrait's iconic status will likely lead to significant financial losses for the College which now raises more than 98.2% of its revenue from sales*, donations and black-market rights trading.
* not excluding degrees - further [non-judicial] enquiries welcome. A non-traceable source are an essential prerequisite of guaranteed acceptance of any "dodgy money" however well-intended. Discretion assured courtesy Whisky-McNighly Laundry and Whitewashing Services Inc. Great Heaving Free Port or email: almamatercollege@darkweb.co.uk
But in a final twist, it has been revealed that the portrait in question may have been generated by an early, rather primitive form of Ai invented by none other than Professor Brian Thrupiece himself. If this proves to be the case, then it may well turn out to be a shot in the wallet for the Alma Mater Fellows' Wine Cellar - enhancing both the Professor's reputation as an unparallelled and resourceful innovatator and the portrait's value as possibly the earliest known example of successful Identity Fraud / Image Manipulation and, withjoutquestion, the oldest to have completely fooled the entire Dorset scientific community. Professor Thrupiece's intended last laugh - if such it be - may indeed be on us after all!
Comments