A Revivalist Writes:
As a revivalist I am often asked: What is a revival and do I need one? Taking the second question first, the answer must be a slightly equivocal yes, which is to say that if you are feeling jaded, directionless and in something of a rut, then revivalism might just be the thing for you - or just the ticket as the traffic warden said to me only the other day when I asked him what he was appending to the windscreen of my car parked - for no more than a few minutes - on double yellow lines in the High Street Corfe Mullen*.
* I was on church business but apparently working for our Lord and saviour cuts no ice with highly incentivised over-uniformed public jobsworth. I digress ...
It also possible that the symptoms described might be equally-well alleviated by a regular intake of Philisan, well known for fortifying the over 40s. See also: Moll Ted-Milke, "The Use of Horlicks in Severe Cases of Night Starvation: A Calibrated Study", Journal of the Dorset Medical Association, June 1954. [Ed]
The first question is more difficult to answer straightforwardly and I refer readers to my article on the Bonipedia website from which I briefly quote:
revivalism, generally, refers to a renewed religious fervour within a Christian group, church, or community, but primarily a movement in some Protestant churches to revitalize the spiritual ardour of their members and to win new adherents. Its aims include the promotion of a belief that all people must recognize their depravity and worthlessness, repent their sins, and undergo a conversion experience and a rebirth of religious feelings.
So, if you are also feeling worthless, sinful, and are experiencing a need to undergo a conversion experience as well as a rebirth of religious feelings, then revivalism is certainly worth a punt. If not, why not try Reformation, a less colourful and more iconoclastic alternative with broadly Northern European implications.
Though not as frequently asked, a further - perhaps follow-up - question for the would-be revivalist might be: where might I find a good place to tap into the spirit of revivalism? And here, happily, there is a very easy and positive answer: The Batcombe [Old Foundation] Revivalist Anabaptist Church. In even better news, the Church itself is seeking to undergo something of a revival or revivalist revival if you will; and has been on a recruitment drive for almost 6 months. Having recently employed the PR firm of Charles and Maurice MacPro and thereby generated a good deal of slick marketing material, the BOFRA Church is - for a limited period only - open to all comers, regardless of experience or inclination. So, frankly, there is no better time or opportunity to see if your revivalist needs and the BOFRA's meet in the middle!!
Are the stars aligned? God knows - and that of course is what revivalism is all about.
To pre-book an interview and make a deposit on a personalised pew, email: almostno_oneturnedaway@bofra.dor or text WILL YOU HAVE ME to 07972334567564.
Terms and conditions apply. You must have a clean drivers license and be willing to travel. GPS recommended. Acceptance subject to satisfactory references and propitious auguries and/or signs.
THAT PROMO:
TRIGGER WARNING:
As befits the manic intensity of revivalism, this representative video is not suitable for those for whom sensory over-stimulation is an ongoing issue. Video contains moving images and artificial lighting effects.
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