Arrest Marks Escalation As Protest Continue

A middle-aged couple were taken into custody today by Purbeck Police after officers used bolt-cutters to break chains they had used to attach themselves to the gates of the thrupiecefilm Headquarters in Great Heaving. The arrest marked an escalation in what the Melcombe Horsey Courier has dubbed "Briangate": the row over the depiction of the late Professor Thrupiece in the latest Dorset nouveau nouveau film noir thriller "Brian"

Identified as Mr and Mrs Harper-Carper, the couple were cautioned and released on their own recognizances after being warned that any repetition of their behaviour would have "serious consequences". Arresting Officer Constable Evette Hand-Cuffe explained that she and a colleague had been called to the Great Heaving complex after internal security officers employed by Whisky-McNightly Security Ltd had failed to dislodge the protesters. Mr and Mrs Harper Carper were part of a group of "about 3" who had camped illegally near the gates and had "attached themselves to structures belonging to The Threadbone Corporation". A spokesperson for the Corporation said that the ethically-responsible multi-national corporation had had no choice in the matter since "giving this kind of person an inch leads to them take a mile and a mile would bring them almost to the doorstep of Mrs Threadbone's private retreat deep in the Complex grounds".

thrupiecefilm employee Joyce Minimum-Wage added: "It was frightening ... there were at least three of them and they were clearly out of control. One threatened me with the stopper of her Thermos flask and said if I entered the premises she would tell my mother."

Ugly Scenes at Great Heaving: [CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT] The Protesters' Camp ["Worse than the Calais Jungle"]; The Harper-Carpers refuse to listen to reason; Constable Hand-Cuffe moments before her decisive intervention; the third "unidentified" woman displays her arrest warrant like a "sick trophy".